6th Day of Rain

With the 6th day of rain I'm depressed, out of sorts, or just pissed at the world. Perhaps I'm annoyed at DH because I don't particularly want to be married any longer. He's so freaking clueless, apathetic, and without empathy for me. He never talks with me. I'm sure I'm going to stay married for at least two more years. I should probably stay married for three. Kid will be off to college, and DH will be off to who knows where for his job. I write here because it's not like anyone reads this.

I have a dear male friend I talk with more than DH, I wouldn't want a physical relationship with my friend, it'd ruin everything. There is another that I've known about as long that takes my breath away. And when I can get him to talk he is so intelligent, it's thrilling to have a conversation.

I do so badly want to have intelligent conversation about anything, anything at all. What else do I want.... I want to be kissed passionately. I want to be held so I feel safe. I want to be held so I feel at peace. I want to make love, not have sex. I want to travel Canada, Europe, USA. I want to go back to school and learn so many new things.

Right now I want my boss - who asked me to take lunch at 1:30 - to get back so I can get food. It's 1:45 and she's still not back!

I want to have a life that is exciting filled with love, travel, passion. I guess I hate my life.