Meadow story started....

It's been pouring rain all day here... again. I just keep thinking I need to find a happy place to go in my mind to get away from it all. I'm sad that I must cut off the one I let go before. I want to curl up in a ball and rock. To just write it all out does seem to help me feel better for a time. So I started writing another scene for yet another story. I always seem to start so many and never finish any. Just because I need to find a happy place ->

A meadow is surrounded by a loose canopy of oak trees and as the breeze blows thru the leaves, sunlight ripples over a blanket laying in the center of the soft green grass. A woman on her stomach lays in the center of the blanket, her head rests on her arms with her eyes closed.Bits of her hair blows gently in the wind; every now and again an auburn piece brushes across her lips tickling them. She absently brushes her hair back into place each time. She wears blue jeans and a white, short sleeve t-shirt. Her jeans are so long that her heels are covered by the hems of her jeans, all you can see are the dirty bottoms of her feet. A wicker picnic basket holds down the far corner of the blanket. She appears to have fallen asleep waiting.

He's running late - again - and he's more than a little annoyed at the woman who held him up. He promised he wouldn't be late this time, he'd been so determined. He finally had to be outright rude to his colleague to get rid of her. He looked forward to this date for days and he hoped she wasn't angry at him again for being late. As he comes out into the meadow he relaxes a bit when he sees her laying there on the blanket and more when he realizes she's napping. He watches her sleep for a moment letting go of his anger. It wasn't her he was angry with, it was his partner, she'd made him late for his meetings with this woman too many times. He was sure she was doing it on purpose now. But he set that thought aside for later, this woman had become very important to him, he realized he was very tense as he stood there. He clenched and released his hands and walked over to the blanket. While he walked over he tensed and released his shoulder and rolled his head and neck to releave the tension. By the time he reached her he felt so much more releaxed. He set the pack off his left shoulder gently so he didn't break or spill anything. Took a peek in the basket to see what she brought for lunch, saw sandwiches and an apple before he turned his attention back to her.Yes it was time to wake her up. He was hungry for her and the food. He settles at her feet cross legged and places both in his lap. Lifting first the right foot he begins to massage her toes. He knows she adores having her feet massaged, he's hoping if she was angry with him before she fell asleep this will make sure she isn't when she wakes up. He smiles. Looks like she forgot her shoes again, her feet are so dirty. He lightly rubs some of the dirt off her toes, she curls her toes around his finger. Despite the dirt, he slowly begins to massage her feet, staring just under her toes. She moans softly in her sleep, reaching her foot out more toward him wanting more. He slowly massages each of her toes tormenting her, only moving up her foot after he's paid close attention to each toe. She sighs as he moves up her foot. He notices she has painted her toes a hot pink color, that looks great with the tan tops of her feet, and even with the dark, dirty soles.

6th Day of Rain

With the 6th day of rain I'm depressed, out of sorts, or just pissed at the world. Perhaps I'm annoyed at DH because I don't particularly want to be married any longer. He's so freaking clueless, apathetic, and without empathy for me. He never talks with me. I'm sure I'm going to stay married for at least two more years. I should probably stay married for three. Kid will be off to college, and DH will be off to who knows where for his job. I write here because it's not like anyone reads this.

I have a dear male friend I talk with more than DH, I wouldn't want a physical relationship with my friend, it'd ruin everything. There is another that I've known about as long that takes my breath away. And when I can get him to talk he is so intelligent, it's thrilling to have a conversation.

I do so badly want to have intelligent conversation about anything, anything at all. What else do I want.... I want to be kissed passionately. I want to be held so I feel safe. I want to be held so I feel at peace. I want to make love, not have sex. I want to travel Canada, Europe, USA. I want to go back to school and learn so many new things.

Right now I want my boss - who asked me to take lunch at 1:30 - to get back so I can get food. It's 1:45 and she's still not back!

I want to have a life that is exciting filled with love, travel, passion. I guess I hate my life.

My rant for today!

Really, really pissed at the men I know right now. What the hell is with their habit of not ending a conversation politely? No - they just hang up or disconnect from the net with nary a word. Leave you hanging. I've even noticed a disturbing habit of men I'm trying to do business with just ending a business conversation by hanging up. The only way I'm able to tell the conversation is over is by the dial tone. Most of the women I know don't do this. I don't need "goodbye" just something other than a blank screen or a dial tone to indicate the conversation is over. You know... talk with you later, see ya, thanks. Something!

And while I'm at it... what is with people who do one thing and tell you to do the complete opposite??? That really ticks me off! She sits, stands, etc.. chatting all morning. Not doing a damn thing, the SECOND she spots me doing something that might not be work related she assumes I don't have enough to do and loads me up with her work. Perhaps, I'm taking the federally sanctioned 15 minute break allowed in the work day. Gees, I was in a half hour before I was suppose to start work. I've been working my ASS off while she's chit-chatting and piddling around for 2.5 hours maybe I need a break to pee?! Then she cuts out at noon. How much work did she get done today... an hour!!! WTF!!! I worked from 7 am to 4:30 pm and apparently I don't have enough work to do.

I still don't feel better.