And once again we're in separate rooms for the evening. Only to yell thru the condo at each other if there is something the other needs to know. He yells at me to pay a bill. Yes I handle all the finances, if I didn't we'd be broke. I yell at him to take some cough syrup. I don't know why I bother, it's not like he listens to me. Yeah. Like he ever listens to me.
Is it a guy thing they don't listen to the women or is it just a husband thing?
Here I am at the end of another long work day. Got to work today a little after 7 am. Because of tossing and turning most of the night the clock said 3:55 am when I finally drifted off to sleep. Woke up at 5:15 for a shower then back to sleep at 5:30. I think I only had about an hour and a half of sleep so today was crappy. Covering for four people again today including doing my job. Something had to give today. And it wasn't dealing with the fraud case, or dealing with the one I missed from yesterday that was suppose to deliver today. But one person doing the work of five is too much. I'm exhausted because I didn't get breaks or a proper lunch.
I got McD's and, oh yeah, got so sick to my stomach I shouldn't have bothered eating. I always get sick at McD's, and I know I'm going to, I don't know why I bother.
At least had the opportunity to be diverted with a couple conversations with the most intelligent, cute guys. The fantasies I have about each sustain me. The one I found out that he too has fantasy's of me. Something in the years we've been flirting I always thought he use to picture either his current girlfriend or even now his wife. But when I typed in something today and he typed back leave her out of this it came across so vehement and surprising to me. I'd had no idea after all this time he was really fantasizing about me in all those stories we were typing. But with him it will remain a fantasy only. Never to change. Why can I talk to him so intimately and no one else? It's the strangest thing, because I probably wouldn't talk to him about anything else in my life.
I tracked down my other fantasy from my college days. For year's I've thought of him only because of one fateful weekend encounter. He was absolutely incredible. To have him touch me again, to have him hold me again the way he did. I'd just melt inside. If only things were different in both our lives and neither of us had kids or were married. I wonder what I would do if all our kids were grown and out of the house? Would I go after the fantasy? And this one I'd love to talk to intimately like above but all we do is talk about surface things.
No one human being out there really truely knows who I am. I could go from city to city changing my personality to fit each of my friends and no one would be the wiser. It's kind of frightening that there is actually a job out there for someone like me. A company who really, really wants to hire me. I continue to debate the merits of applying again for a position. Or something similar within the same company in a few years when there aren't kids at home. Hubby would be deployed somewhere else in the world. There would be nothing to tie me to this place. The job would be more interesting than anything else I could conceve of doing.
